Neurodivergence
I am somewhere on the spectrum. My brain is always full, like I have 20 tabs open on a computer. The tabs are very varied but most come from two categories.
a. All sorts of planning. It can be for fun things like trips or events, or just deciding what to have for a meal. It could be related to upcoming work, planning a route to a destination or organising timings. I like planning so these tabs alone would mostly be quite pleasant.
b. Anxiety. But then we have the demon. My glass is definitely half full. Some of my anxiety is real, like an issue at work or with a member of my family. But most is definitely invented by myself. I need to be in total control of as much of my life as I can. The planning tabs that are not dealt with can cause anxiety. Hence the need to plan to stop the anxiety. But planning creates related planning tabs which can create anxiety. Can you see the vicious circle? So I plan everything to control the anxiety. And mostly it works. Bizarrely, I actually love unexpected experiences when they happen, as long as I didn’t know they were going to happen and have time to worry about them. I cannot pretend that I intend to be spontaneous. It is too stressful.
So back to these two types of tabs. At least one of the tabs is always flashing for attention. The only way to cope is to try and shut some of them down before others, many of which will be duplicates of the previous ones, are opened. My head is a busy place to be.
Mobility Issues
I have osteoarthritis which affects my life quite significantly. Two joint replacements up to now have brought me some improvement, but there always seems to be a knock on effect of my new ability to move on to the next joint. It is a decade since I walked anywhere for “fun”. I can often cope with walking about a mile, and more if I am very distracted, or if the walking is spread out with rests in between. But, although better than I have been- I own various walking sticks and used a wheel chair when I went out for quite a number of months before my last hip replacement- I am still greatly challenged by walking, including the later effects of doing too much. On trips, I always do too much, but without my planning I probably wouldn’t be able to do it at all.
My planning helps me to cope with my anxiety related to my physical limitations. I know exactly how far I will need to walk, how many steps there are, what I will need to climb and where I will park to ensure that I can succeed. I carefully manage my capacity to be active and tailor my activities accordingly. I prioritise my must-sees and waste no steps on things that are not essential. I spend time on Google Maps street view “walking” a route to ensure that I don’t waste steps getting lost or encounter unexpected obstacles. I know exactly what there is to do in the area. I watch Youtube videos to see if a place is what I am looking for. These days, AI is my friend. The suggestions get better and better as time goes on and AI improves. Quite scary really. I love having the chance to negotiate my requirements and seeing the recaluculations. I know that if ChatGPT says it is good, my husband will be sold. I plan my accommodation so that walking out for an evening meal is easy.